Be free, have fun, ask why">

I’m a PLANNER.  That’s just my nature.  So when I found out I was pregnant with Riesling I began planning the first weeks of her life.  I had a feeding, sleeping and play schedule based on the Babywise book by Gary Ezzo.  After trying this for a few days, my husband became suspicious of the validity of this crying strategy and found that the American Academy of Pediatrics disagrees whole heartedly with most of Babywise.  I then cried for 2 hours and threw the book in the trash for fear some other mother might think it’s a good idea.

We did alright as Riesling was dubbed the “angel baby” and was sweet and easy going.  So then I read Family First by Dr Phil McGraw as I loved watching his show.  I was excited to figure out how to get my child to do what I wanted her to do.  Rewards and punishments (but not spanking) were the answers.  Tough love.  So we had time outs and sticker charts.

This got her to do what I wanted her to do, for the most part.  Until about a year ago when she told me that she didn’t care and that I could take her (beloved) books away because it didn’t matter.  It honestly broke my heart that I had been using her most favorite thing to manipulate her to the point where she didn’t even care about them anymore.  Cashel would never conform to anything ever.  I would put him in time out and he would spit out what he knew he had to say to get out and then forget whatever it was that had gotten him there in the first place, and then he would do it again.

Soon after the beloved books incident I was sitting near my computer rummaging through some papers when I came to a Shenandoah Valley Community School  (SVCS) brochure. I went to the site http://www.svcs.us/aboutUs.html and followed the links under Background.  I read for hours.  It just made perfect sense as to why external motivation wasn’t working.  I wanted this happiness for my children.  I called and spoke with the director Sarah.  She said that she wouldn’t have time to give me a tour that day because they were having a speaker that I might be interested in hearing.  I quickly got a sitter and drove through a rain storm to hear Chris Mercogliano, who taught at Albany Free School for 35 years and had recently stepped down as co-director.  The talk was interesting and inspiring.  I spoke with some of the other guests while waiting for a chance to meet Chris.  One woman, named Lynda, and I were talking about kids and freedom and homeschooling.  She practically insisted that I read a book by Alfie Kohn called Unconditional Parenting.

I checked the book out of the library and began implementing Alfie’s “working with” strategies immediately.  This was very difficult.  Riesling let loose.  She wasn’t used to making so many decisions and having so much freedom.  My husband thought I had lost my mind.  He did his research and the sacrifice of short term compliance for the long term goals of raising self-motivated adults made sense to him too.  He bought the Unconditional Parenting DVD so that he could quickly get up to speed.

I did tour SVCS and was very insulted by the director’s response to my questioning her inflexible rule regarding a September 30th cut off date for admittance.  (Riesling’s birthday is 10/9 and I have since bit my tongue to volunteer there to support the school and allow my children to have another consistent group of kids to play with.)  We toured a couple other private schools and even gave the local public school a shot, but nothing was what we envisioned.  So we decided in March of 2008 that we would be unschoolers.

After joining a couple of Yahoo Groups and meeting quite a few homeschooling families and some adults that were homeschooled I think that kids are best with a significant chunk of their time spent with a consistent group of other kids.  On 11/1/08 I will take a test that will begin my journey to become certified as a teacher.  (Update (11/28/08) I passed the test and begin classes on 1/31/09.)  In the next 2 years I hope to start a free school where the kids truly make the rules, where everyone can afford the tuition for full time enrollment and where there is a community who supports each other.

In the meantime, I welcome you to come along as our children grow and learn every day at home and on the go.

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